You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
