Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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