so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
