Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
