Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
