just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
FUCK WHALES
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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