please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
