Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
