You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize