I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
