i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
