i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Randomize
