Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
