she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
