the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
