why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
