After last night, I could never be a politician.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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