I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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