My room smells like vodka and shame
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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