just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
