I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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