I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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