Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
