So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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