Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm sobbing to NWA
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
