how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you had me at cake vodka
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
