So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
