Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
