Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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