It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
