Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
