After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
