just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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