I just made out with a guy for $7.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
