my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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