Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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