Do you still have your period?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
