did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think my vagina is haunted
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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