I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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