why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
