The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
