All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I didn't notice because vodka
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize