Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
