Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
