Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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