Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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