I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
