One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
