I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
