very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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