put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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