Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I've blown a few things in my day
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We left an ass print on the piano.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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