i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
