it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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