dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
