Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
