I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
