u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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