I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
