Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
