I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
