...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
