from now on my penis is your penis
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
