he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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