This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
