How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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