I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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