that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
