Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
