i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize