It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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