There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
