My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
