you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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