Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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