Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
