Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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