I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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