it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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