oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
