I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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