do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
