the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
