Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize