The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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