Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
