what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
