we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
