TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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