Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
