i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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