That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
two words...techno handjob
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
