i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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