Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
