he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
