How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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