tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
