She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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