Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
