So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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