false alarm. still invincible.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
