So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I need to calm my uterus...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
