i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize