Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
