there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize