Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
