So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
