So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize