i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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