if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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