I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
