I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
